Show Me How

Who can show me how to live

'Cause I don't want to anymore

But I'm afraid to give what I have left

My life lived to pass on this

Who will take my hand

Who will show me how

Tell me it doesn't have to end

And that it will get better

When I've laid to rest

My haunted head

Clear the fog

And the resounding storms

That drive me under

And keep me there

So full, so full

I can't think straight

And my feelings are imposters

Playing games of hide and seek

And days like these they tire me

Leaving me counting the minutes

Until hours have passed

Loathsome and painstaking

In my face like mirrors

Reflecting what I don't want to see

Time, unrelenting

washing over me.

Somewhere, 21st Century

The cobblestones were wet with blood

traipsing out and among them

slipping feet tumble over

finding no comfort

rounded out and up again

To carry on limping

pursuing paths

perhaps those easier to trot

or get lost in the trying

murky river floats along

And windows broken from their sills

doors flapping open shut

the wind shrieks its haunted cry

through holes in walls

and deserted dinner tables

Hidden in cracks

and the unkempt hair

of the lost lambs

with their handkerchiefs

dangling beside their hollow bones

An abandoned current

slithers and makes flickers

adding to the buzzing choral hum

playing games with shadows

among the dried out filtered light

Among the clutter and the

rashly left behind memories

lie forgotten in stillness

on broken armchairs

and faded rugs

Lives left in the wake

of reckless disregard

that able-bodied men

with death bringing machines

brought about without a soul

Ordered from beyond the lines

as truth dissolved and made way

for something they thought

worth fighting for

ending up

Only devouring their own

Stiltewateren

Het is rustig hier

kalmte in een blauwe lucht

gevonden in een verdwaalde wolk.

Klein en zacht

een kloppend hart.

Hoog, hoger dan ooit

een toren in de koude zee.

In de verte drijft een boot

met niemand om te roeien

dobbert het voort.

Een klok tikt ergens

zachtjes en ver weg.

En onder in het donkere water

klinkt onhoorbaar

een eenzaam lied.

Gaf ik mijn lichaam

aan de lucht en de zee.

Dan was er enkel de zucht

losgelaten van de werkelijkheid

dwalend in een donkere oceaan.

Second Floor Ghost

There is a ghost who lives on the second floor

she cries all day for the rain in her life

relentless it pours on all that she made

washes out the good to replace it with pain

Outside they know her as no one

the unseen lady from around the block

to whom no one speaks and no one listens

her endeavours are wasted on the silent city walls

Here in this wilderness of anonymous faces

unseen is she who brings with her the rain

unnoticed she wails alone in her apartment

as it comes bouncing back to her from cold walls

She echoes with the past as it comes back to haunt her

sitting by the bed being solely forgotten

while in her mind movies play which can't be erased

the past forever etched on her face.

Captive

Is anyone here?

Help. I need help.

It is cold here.

So dark. Endless void.

All is nothing,

and I am a dream.

Please hear me.

I am pleading,

begging,

on my knees,

crawling,

falling.

And now,

I fear it is too late.

So silent here.

The kind that makes your ears bleed.

Because all you hear

is the sound

of your unfulfilled

empty beating heart.

Painfully mocking me

by beating on endlessly.

Pumping false hopes

through hopeless veins.

And it hurts and burns,

how it keeps me alive.

My body my prison,

held captive by mind.

Rain

I kissed the rain today

She kissed me back

with a gentle downpour

on my eyes

my lips

my ears

my neck

she kissed my soul

and my soul kissed back

I love her for all she does

the way she falls

and gives life to all

and how she affects me

in my moods

crying for me

as I cannot cry

she lets out

what I would hide

The ticking of her

against my window

the way I see myself

in her reflections

and how she makes the world

so infinitely more real

and beneath her caress

all we can do

is feel

Please

I've felt you

before I saw you

and knew you

when I met you

So close towards me

far and away

and then you are away again

The night time it sways me

envelops and betrays

what I find in the waking

between spaces I'm taking

and every breath's an effort

a wilful endeavour

to keep me from freezing

to keep me from bleeding

I find you in shadows

and down by the water

close to my windows

reflected and broken

so softly misspoken

I did not expect it

what came back reflected

In eyes so endearing

your voice I keep hearing

I'm missing the feeling

that I had you near me

so close to my heart

you could sense it beating

I miss you so dearly

But please,

don't come near me

Demon Dream

The land opened up before me

I saw it all

erupting outwards

a holy dream

The skies went black

ash and fire

I saw it all

in a recurring dream

They were out

angels with wings

covered in tar

helplessly reaching out

I saw it all

when the ground opened up

and swallowed us whole

and it was never enough

Standing at the edge

me with my demons

reassuringly behind me

grinning their false sly smiles

I asked to wake up

and they said

not yet dear boy

witness, bear witness

Your frailty lies here

hold it in your arms

cradle it like an infant

then cast it off

You won't win this fight

it is you you are up against

let go of you

and we will too

Motherhood

You are a little wonder

maybe you weren't here

somewhere else before

and then you came anyway

Brought me closer

you drew me in

helpless from the start

no knowledge but I knew you

From what's outside

I protect you

keep inside

I love you, child

And all my doubts

and fears go unanswered

until I find them

for you alone

I raise you

so you may always walk

these paths, not alone

I am beside you

Always

Wings

font by Maelle Keita

http://maellekeita.com/

In Een Dode Zee

Ik lig begraven in een dode zee,

slapend, verlaten in een orchidee,

drijvend op bladeren, takken en twijgen,

vragen aan sterren alleen voor het zwijgen.

Vogels en golven en wolken en zon,

dagen en nachten dat ik zonder ze kon.

Nu blijven ze bij me in mijn laatste tocht,

en in het maanlicht aanschouw ik wat ik heb gekocht.

Verpakt in haar bloesem, stengel en stof,

verzonken ogen, donker en dof,

stilte in aantocht, stilte in vertrek,

tussen de beweging, dit is mijn plek.

A Thing, A Sting

A name

rings

harmonics to my ear

I say

things

afraid they might hear

A whisper

clings

wrapped around my fear

A love

sings

I want it to come near

A truth

stings

I don't want to be here

Oneironaut

Within a dream

oh, how I connect

paralytic conjectures

tubes and respiration

off to the void

Eternally subconscious

a soul in freedom

no strings

no puppeteer

no machine

It is cosmic

the world

inside

undone

no time

Sleep unwinds

the mind

survive the day

to live

for another night

Rebekka

God wat zei ze dat goed,

waar je ook heen gaat

en met wie je je ook omringt,

die eenzaamheid die blijft

als een eenzame hond

die zich steeds weer opdringt

het vraagt om aandacht

verzorging en liefde

steeds weer opnieuw

want het is nooit genoeg.

Jongen Zonder Naam

Het is een ziekte

die ik niet geloof

als medicatie

me niets belooft

en een zoveelste sessie

met een psycholoog

me weg laat gaan

met een zwaarder hoofd.

Ik verwijt niets

schuldig is niemand

een moeilijk hoofd

is lastig om open te breken

als je altijd twijfelt.

Ik ben niet meer wie ik was,

woorden die ik vaker hoor

woorden die pijn doen als je ze hoort.

Want wie ik ben

of wie ik was

is voor mij als een verhaal

geschreven door twee schrijvers

en beiden gebruiken pseudoniemen

en beide schrijven in talen

die ik moeilijk kan begrijpen.

Het verleden

laten overlijden

om het heden redenen te geven

de toekomst nog een kans te geven

ga ik verder zonder gids,

zonder kaart

of kompas

als een jongen

zonder naam.

A Dance

Who would not cower

when confronted with the face of his own reflection

found in the mirror of truth

Who does not float

in and out of darkness

stuck in a perpetual search

for the holy grail of happiness

Always pushing

always pulling

always it slips away

always…

…I float up

To end again

confined to life

in between moments

Through stained ice

With stained eyes

I run between worlds

one dark

one light

one up

one down

I float up

From darkness I surface

A light is born

From this I perceive

from this I receive

Wonders

Learning to let go

learning to breathe

learning to live

I dance

I dance on rooftops

In buildings

I dance to be remembered

I dance to be forgotten

Among bark and leaf

flower and tree

Nature please comfort me

my reality has forsaken me

I will dance to infinity

and let nature claim me

and set free my divinity

I will do all these things

and I will do it

Smiling.

Cardiac Arrest

Blunted, broken,

unstable fragile mirror

shell of being

lost, declared void

Absent idea,

wishing well

upon a well

sentiment of a soul

Shunned personality

split apart

in part

affected disconnect

Shyly smiled

and then died

inside

but only just a little

Grinning bare

broken teeth

I've murdered

my unchecked heart

Warning

I hear your voice,

a piano,

I want to lose control

stop feeling

stop caring

stop fearing

stop scaring

Drift off on melodies

meant to sooth the soul

I want it to heal me

but it doesn't

it never does

So steal me

take it

take my heart

trash it

burn it

crash and overturn it

Flip it inside out

open up what's inside

let it bleed

bleed it dry

maybe that will stop it

rampant confusion

in my mind

Turn out all the lights

let the darkness reign inside

let the emotions die

and feelings subside

let me believe this lie

that it will all be alright

This is a warning

Mother

Mother

was it a lie

what you said on your wedding day

was it his eyes

so drunk

that made you fear

crawl back inside

and say okay

it will be okay

Mother

was it a lie

what happened on your wedding night

the start of years

so lost

that made you struggle

and fear

forgotten who you were

but you were

Mother

was it a lie

what you said all those years

to yourself

so alone

with children

but no real home

for your children

no real home

Mother

was it a lie

to live in his shadow

one that you loved

so afraid

that you forgot yourself

was it for us

you tried

for us

you lied

to yourself?

Take Me Home

Shiver shiver

I have to go

River river

such a flow

Bigger bigger

who would know

This here this here

has got to go

Shimmer shimmer

oh what a show

Stars stars stars

take me home