Lifeline

It was so quiet
Then began the most loathsome
And lonesome of worrying nights
Sit back and watch as I fight
To no one, just maddened
By hurricanes on my insides

I've got a knife
To tear open skies 
and bring back the light
Can't have my eyes open
Afraid to turn blind

I was so quiet
Had to remain here
In shadowy sites
Clutching my sorrow
The hunger did rise

I had to hide
From daylight and day life
And daily disguised
Strangers inside me
A door open wide

I kept it quiet
No one beside me
On this faithful night
I kept myself quiet
Hung from the ceiling
Salvation lifeline

Waking Heart

Pushing me, pulling me
Dragging me under
The mountain keeps calling 
And I'm falling further
The ocean's deep swallows me
Current to current
I'm diving through dreams
Skies burn, rolling thunder
Calls from the forest
Sunk below, tallest growth
Shooting its roots out
Weaving and circling 
I'm tangled, unmoving
Drowning and waking
On top of the mountain
From under the ocean
The surface is broken
The head now lies open
Spilled thoughts leaking over
Overflowing broken spirit
Blankets clear oceans
Murk like its owner
Sounding silence like alarms
Disheartened, now all is quiet
For the waking heart
And the way it falls

Never Breathe Again

I've reached out

burnt black

been here before

where sleep rules the deep sea

in dreaming landscapes

where hospital beds

display hearts naked

on respirators

relative for the memory

of a relative

with a dying disease

sinking back, back into depths

to another place

Among the seaweed

and the coral reefs

in a cove filled with sunken dreams

you stand as if you've never left

side by side, hand in hand,

witness to the swimming sad

as it boils up

and breaks the surface

bursts a bubble and then disperses

And the dream returns

and wakes for reality

the burst bubble popped

left a mark indelibly

exposed and weathered

under the scathing daylight sun

you're gone again forever

and I'm waiting for the day to come

where in dreams

perpetual and everlasting

I can dive in the ocean

never coming up

to breathe again an air without you

Where The Lines Blur

I'm not what I used to be

what happened, where did I go wrong

to me honestly, it's a mystery

or thought I evade

as I escape from my fate

bury my head and contemplate

think of ways to escape

as the thought of madness

clamps itself around my brain

forcing me to ask questions

until I think I'm insane

Burning in the wake

of mistakes, choices I made

as it comes back with distaste

and I'm again misplaced

Outside of elsewhere

they say I'm out there

but I'm in here

inside this sphere

that I call my mind

it's a prison of fear

And I'm left behind

from beyond where the lines blur

I saw it all come together

and it made my eyes burn

with a sickening fever

as the eternal night turns

What went wrong

was it the past I can't remember

it has been so long

was it the booze addled father

with his malevolent tongue

or just a faulty wired head

in need of a gun

so I can blow this face to pieces

and start back where I begun

This time open eyed

so I can prevent my demise

of the mind, unkind,

stuck in inverted paradise

where the angels are demons

in angelic disguise

This time I’ll take the bullies

shoot them all in the head

this time I'll take the booze

and make him drink 'till he's dead

this time I'll take the kids

and have them molest you instead

this time I'll go back in time

and prevent the day that you wed

and so prevent the sickness

that's been filling me with dread

I'll take the bad times

and replace them with good

erase the bad lines

and rewrite them in blood

Omission

They say death is another part of life
But I find it everyday next to me
in a chamber in my head
asking me what today shall be
is it life or is it death
as I ignore its tries
to take over my mind
blurring my vision
with words slurring
as I fall into submission
I envision my end and close it off
by omission
Take a step back
And watch it control my inhibition
Perpetually stuck in hesitation
So caught between choices
There's no room for aspiration
No development or growth
Just straight up
Asphyxiation
Wrapped around my throat
Subtle suffocation
Without any indication
Of a temporary nature
Because four years to me
Feels pretty permanent
Add to that four
Forgotten more
And I hope you understand
When I talk about an end
That I am not joking here my friend
But honesty is what's expected
Something I feel has been neglected
Or perhaps just undetected
Gotten lost by the distracted
Blinded eyes of those connected
As I have always kept them
Out of reach of what's inside
With lies like: 'its nothing really,
I'm really fine'
Until no longer I could defy
The demons lurking in my mind
Corrupting everything I tried
Until finally
My brain got fried
And I ended up
In a mental institution
To recover from the sickness
That shook my constitution
Just a baby step
in the right direction
So that one day I might be
Smiling at my own reflection
Knowing its just me inside
And not death
Blocking out the life.

Written

Gathered swiftly
Swept up pages
Blown upwards
To the skies
Dripping ink 
And hidden meaning
Of what lies between lines
Written in the empty spaces
Where trembling and unsure
The hand through the head
Spills heart and memory
In search of meaning
Or fulfilment

In places
Where the lines blur
Undeterred
Moving forward
From the hidden depths
Where the soul resides
And the words dance
As you seek them out
Slithering between tongue and teeth
Fickle in their many ways
Until with pen and paper
Captured in single file
They convey

And another piece 
Becomes a part
Of the infinite puzzle
A personal encryption
For others to see
Safely hidden in abstractions
Only as clear as you want it to be
A smothered cry
An encoded s.o.s
Or just raw emotion
Spilling out into the world
Joining in the chorus
Of its many haunted hearts

The Tunnel

I lay paralysed

in this paradise

with open eyes

and burning skies

shouting lies

to systematize

words spoken

to a mind demised

caught inside

the light divides

a running line

to the end of time

to where the sign

gives cue to mine

and I step forth

and then I die

Hate

I've set aside this cage

and now I walk around it

inside its my heart

chained and grounded

with nails driven

puncture wounded

to the concrete

cracks abounding

splitting open ground

and up comes without a sound

the murmurs of a broken soul

like smoke rises from burning coal

leaving you breathless, shivering cold

brought back from the dead

with the hearts you stole

incensing words

with furious fervour

to reach inside

at the demons I murdered

for every head I take

two more pop up

like a hydra snake

and so my axe

it keeps on swinging

lopping of faces

that keep on grinning

as I am spinning

tilting over

like the earth on its axis

every nerve in me telling me

I need some more practise

as I am overtaken

multi-headed snake bites

leave me visibly shaken

their talons around my ankle

it is me that they rake in

like fallen leaves on autumn days

in the garden of my fate

as I'm thinking to myself

why do I hesitate

take that leap of faith

and leave behind

this world I hate